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MomBoss: Cancer Mom

by | Mar 15, 2018 | MomBoss

Handling the scary parts of being a #cancermom.

Handling the scary parts of being a #cancermom.

When I found myself singing “Let it Go” without any children in the car demanding the song, I began to question my future. In all honesty, I asked myself, “Will my daughters remember this song in 4 or 5 years? Or will this song be mine alone to remember?” A similar line of questioning occurs when I plaster on a pretend smile escorting my daughter to another weekly doctor’s appointment.

Every appointment is hardwired into my brain: start an IV, draw blood, check blood pressure, administer a 1 to 2-hour treatment. A process so familiar to me now that it’s nearly unfathomable what the other side will look like. For her, the further away from this time in her life, the less she will remember. For me, the further away from this time in our lives, I will never forget.

It’s not just the process that has become ingrained in my routine, my life. The constant fear for my child’s life; being instantly consumed with panic hearing any kind of code while she’s getting her treatment; the incessant questions; and above all else, the fear and tears in her eyes as everything shifts around her – these things have been permanently fixated in my memory.

The most positive thing I can think of as we face this, is that I can help my daughter – by holding onto these memories for her so she doesn’t have to remember this pain. As a cancer mom, I feel it’s my responsibility, my burden to carry this pain on her behalf. One day when she’s several years older, I hope we’re driving down the road and she remembers singing “Let it Go” with me. One day when she’s several years older, I hope that she doesn’t look back on this time with pain, but pride in her own strength.


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© Crystal Hollman, Crystal Clear Photography, 2017


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